When Is It The Right Time?

Every so often instead of some entertainment article, or speculation piece sometimes a blog just needs to be a way to clear the soul. Today is one of those days, I hope you will indulge me a bit to get this out.

So many of you may not know I am a divorced father of 3 children, Joey (22), Jaden (10) and Brandon (9). Joey being an adult is kinda exempt from the issues I'm dealing with, however he is from the same mother (My Ex Wife)and he is aware of my problem so for context I mentioned him but it really deals more with the younger two.

My ex and I are divorced because of her cheating on me (almost throughout our whole marriage) I won't go into deatails mostly because my problem is past this. This is only to understand the why's of what I'm dealing with. Well as a divorced father in the city of Philadelphia means I am simply a sperm donor and paycheck to the system and I have "Shared" custody but only every other weekend, meaning I see them only 48 total days a year. In turn I pay over half my annual salary in child support (Before taxes). I get no holiday or special visits and everytime I deal with the courts they shrug and demand more money but never any true resolve to my situation.

Now to the point of why I am speaking now, I made a choice when she and I divorced to not drag out the divorce in a long frustrating battle. In other words to make it less painful on my two very young kids (at the time 2 and 3) I agreed to a no fault divorce. This was the biggest mistake of my life, as since then I have suffered at the hands of both the family courts and my ex's whims. All the while I have attempted to keep the peace by not tell my kids why "Daddy doesn't come home" or why "daddy isn't invited to 'family' things". I tell them simply Mommy and Daddy love them both very much but we are better friends. This of course is a lie, one that I feel the vile come up in the back of my throat everytime I say it. I know one day the truth will need to come out, And knowing my Ex it has to before she plays victim and tries to poison them against me (she already tried it with my older child and it was a nightmare proving it to him, so I am speaking from experience)So the question is, When is the Right time and Age to tell them the truth? The truth that it wasn't my idea, that their mother puts her own self interest over anything dealing with them or their relationship with me? Even more pressingly to me, How do I tell them without them hating me for lying all these years to their face, even to try to protect them?

Any advice or thought's are always welcome. Thank you for reading this and just letting me get it out. I look forward to your replies.

Chris